Summertime

The summer might soon be over, and in a month or so I will be approaching the first anniversary of my release from prison. In the year that has passed things have actually been a lot better, more than I could ever have dreamed of. I have been fortunate to find a relationship (with an adult), I’ve managed to get an apartment of my own, I’ve started a new job, I have had the pleasure of enjoying a summer-vacation together with someone for the first time in my adult life, and I actually live a pretty good life, despite my limited economic resources.

At the beginning of this year, especially during spring and early summer, I felt some anxiety about the summer, an anxiety that has proven to be quite unfounded. I will not claim that I am “cured”, because sometimes my mind visit places it should not. And also, to be honest, I still seem to be attracted to children, which kind of bugs me. But like I said to my psychologist at our last meeting, it’s not something that I can just decide about, if or when it will change. I believe it is a process, perhaps a kind of maturation process, and if it is at all possible, I think it will take time, a lot of time, which I will let it, as long as it proceeds in the current (right) direction!

If my life continues the way it is now, I think that I one day even will be able to say that I am happy, or at least satisfied and content with my life. And just to be able to play with such a thought, and the feelings surrounding it, is quite wonderful in itself! I think that the foundation of my success is both the insights I have made and from the outside help, especially the privilege to have someone near me, someone to lean against in times of trouble and rejoice with in moments of joy and success! I wish that everyone could experience that!

Happy summer to you all!

One thought on “Summertime”

  1. T

    Ja jo det var en skön och härlig semester, trots lite regn?! Kommer att försöka kämpa vid sida, men det är Du som får göra “arbetet” själv. Jag kan mycket men inte allt!

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